TIFU by being a Racist. Then got hit by Karma.

TL;DR at the end. Edited to answer some questions. It began 10 years ago. I(34 F) am an American. In 2010, I met an Indian guy who was an immigrant working here. We started out as friends and after finding many things in common music, favorite movies, same sense of humor, etc.), we began dating. It was great????. He cooked delicious food, the sex was great, he was kind to other people, never bragged about his achievements, and most importantly, he wanted a family in future, and wanted to be a dad. I wanted to be a mom as well, so I was really happy to have found a guy who shares the same values as myself. He asked me if he could meet my parents. That's when things went south. My parents are very religious and conservative. He was a Hindu, and my parents wanted me to marry a Christian. I asked them to be polite and accept that because we are from different cultures, we obviously have different views on certain topics, so we should be respectful about each other's opinions. We were having dinner and my dad straight up asks him how is he going to raise the children? Hindu???? or Christian✝️? My boyfriend said, "I'll leave that upto the kid. We will try to teach our kids about both cultures and religions and they could decide for themselves after they reach adulthood". I think my dad took it as a personal offense, and started arguing with my boyfriend. Things got heated and 5 minutes later, we left. Looking back, I should've cut contact with my parents right there, as they have been very controlling of me throughout my life. But I always chalked it upto them being protective. At the time, I always thought, "Blood is thicker than water" so I, being the naive person that i was at the time(smh), started looking at my boyfriend differently. My parents always tried to "talk sense" into me, whenever we had a conversation, about how us being from completely different cultures and countries will negatively impact our relationship in the long run. Will he go to church every Sunday? How would he do an 'X' thing?, how would he do a 'Y' thing? I too, started believing my parents as they have been married for almost 50 years, so obviously????, they know more about relationships than I do. After weeks of going through this, I Broke Up with him. I was completely honest with him, and told him about how him being from a different country will negatively impact our relationship in the long run. I am cringing while writing this????. We would face many problems and it would be much more easier for us to marry someone from our own races. (Please have mercy on me, I said those things a long time ago, and not proud of it.) That was the first time I saw him cry. He told me that he loved me. He was going to marry me. How could I do this to him? How can I be mad about something he can't change about himself? I didn't care about his tears, his feelings. I convinced myself that I am doing him a "favor" and if we both married someone from our own countries, we would thank each other in the long run. I didn't care about what my words would do to him. I am so pissed at my younger self right now. A year later I met my husband who WAS a Christian, and from America, and we married each other after dating for a while. Couple years later, we had our beautiful daughter. Fast forward to yesterday, Feb 2021: I was at the supermarket, buying groceries and stuff. I was outside in the parking lot and that's when I met him again. OMG. It was THAT PRECISE MOMENT I REALIZED, I FUCKED UP. We recognized each other and exchanged a few words. He asked me how I was, it's been such a long time, yada, yada... He was with his wife and daughter, who is a couple years younger than my own daughter, and they looked like one of those happy families you see on TV. I, on the other hand, have been divorced now. Me and my ex husband still talk, because of our daughter, and luckily, we don't hate each other????. I had cut contact with my parents a few years back and looking at my indian ex's family and his life, I wondered why I didn't do it before. He was in such a good shape, and so was his wife. I on the other hand, while not obese, certainly don't look like the way I was in my 20s. And looking at his clothes, they were also in a much better place financially. I got laid off from my previous job due to covid, and I'm currently working part time elsewhere. And you know what the biggest, most fucked up thing is? His wife, is also from America.????‍♀️ They both live in a different state right now, and are just visiting his wife's family who lives in my current city. So obviously, their relationship is a proof, that eventhough, both partners belong to different cultures, you can still make it work. I fucked up, But I was happy, that he is happy now. We exchanged goodbyes and they went inside the store and I went inside my car. For a few minutes I couldn't believe what I just witnessed. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter and she is the most wonderful thing in my

TL;DR at the end.

Edited to answer some questions.

It began 10 years ago. I(34 F) am an American. In 2010, I met an Indian guy who was an immigrant working here. We started out as friends and after finding many things in common music, favorite movies, same sense of humor, etc.), we began dating. It was great????. He cooked delicious food, the sex was great, he was kind to other people, never bragged about his achievements, and most importantly, he wanted a family in future, and wanted to be a dad. I wanted to be a mom as well, so I was really happy to have found a guy who shares the same values as myself.

He asked me if he could meet my parents. That's when things went south. My parents are very religious and conservative. He was a Hindu, and my parents wanted me to marry a Christian. I asked them to be polite and accept that because we are from different cultures, we obviously have different views on certain topics, so we should be respectful about each other's opinions. We were having dinner and my dad straight up asks him how is he going to raise the children? Hindu???? or Christian✝️?

My boyfriend said, "I'll leave that upto the kid. We will try to teach our kids about both cultures and religions and they could decide for themselves after they reach adulthood".

I think my dad took it as a personal offense, and started arguing with my boyfriend. Things got heated and 5 minutes later, we left.

Looking back, I should've cut contact with my parents right there, as they have been very controlling of me throughout my life. But I always chalked it upto them being protective. At the time, I always thought, "Blood is thicker than water" so I, being the naive person that i was at the time(smh), started looking at my boyfriend differently. My parents always tried to "talk sense" into me, whenever we had a conversation, about how us being from completely different cultures and countries will negatively impact our relationship in the long run. Will he go to church every Sunday? How would he do an 'X' thing?, how would he do a 'Y' thing? I too, started believing my parents as they have been married for almost 50 years, so obviously????, they know more about relationships than I do.

After weeks of going through this, I Broke Up with him. I was completely honest with him, and told him about how him being from a different country will negatively impact our relationship in the long run. I am cringing while writing this????. We would face many problems and it would be much more easier for us to marry someone from our own races. (Please have mercy on me, I said those things a long time ago, and not proud of it.)

That was the first time I saw him cry. He told me that he loved me. He was going to marry me. How could I do this to him? How can I be mad about something he can't change about himself?

I didn't care about his tears, his feelings. I convinced myself that I am doing him a "favor" and if we both married someone from our own countries, we would thank each other in the long run. I didn't care about what my words would do to him. I am so pissed at my younger self right now.

A year later I met my husband who WAS a Christian, and from America, and we married each other after dating for a while. Couple years later, we had our beautiful daughter.

Fast forward to yesterday, Feb 2021:

I was at the supermarket, buying groceries and stuff. I was outside in the parking lot and that's when I met him again. OMG. It was THAT PRECISE MOMENT I REALIZED, I FUCKED UP.

We recognized each other and exchanged a few words. He asked me how I was, it's been such a long time, yada, yada... He was with his wife and daughter, who is a couple years younger than my own daughter, and they looked like one of those happy families you see on TV.

I, on the other hand, have been divorced now. Me and my ex husband still talk, because of our daughter, and luckily, we don't hate each other????. I had cut contact with my parents a few years back and looking at my indian ex's family and his life, I wondered why I didn't do it before.

He was in such a good shape, and so was his wife. I on the other hand, while not obese, certainly don't look like the way I was in my 20s. And looking at his clothes, they were also in a much better place financially. I got laid off from my previous job due to covid, and I'm currently working part time elsewhere.

And you know what the biggest, most fucked up thing is?

His wife, is also from America.????‍♀️ They both live in a different state right now, and are just visiting his wife's family who lives in my current city. So obviously, their relationship is a proof, that eventhough, both partners belong to different cultures, you can still make it work. I fucked up, But I was happy, that he is happy now. We exchanged goodbyes and they went inside the store and I went inside my car. For a few minutes I couldn't believe what I just witnessed.

Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter and she is the most wonderful thing in my life, but I can't help but keep wondering what could've been. That could've been my life, but now I am a mess. I fucked up. Big time. I wasn't able to sleep properly last night.

A word of advice to all young people out there, I know the world has changed a lot in the last decade, but I still want to say this, just because you and your partner belong to different cultures, doesn't mean that you can never be happy or have a long term relationship with them.

TL;DR: met a guy from a different country, broke up with him because of his race and culture. A decade later he is happy with a partner who is from the same country as I am. While I'm divorced and struggling financially.

Edit 1: answering some common questions,

1) I have cut contact with my parents as of now.

2) No. It wasn't his success that made me realize my mistake. I realized my mistake years ago. Its just that seeing him suddenly out of nowhere, made all those feelings of guilt and embarrassment come at me all at once. Looking at valentines day celebrations all around me isn't much help either.

3) My father got offended by his answer because he thought that by giving our children a choice, my ex was implying that my dad never gave me a choice(which he didn't). So my dad thought that my ex is implying that he is superior than him and my dad didn't love his daughter. My ex didn't have any such intention.

4) Nope. I am not going to contact him to apologize. I made him cry, and I just don't want to hurt him anymore. At the time I believed that "Real Men Don't Show Emotions" because my dad never did and that made me treat him like shit. I should've paid more attention to his feelings and I now realize just how much I hurt him. I don't think his wife would like that his ex girlfriend is suddenly contacting him out of nowhere and I don't want to cause any more harm to him and his relationship. I also don't want him to think that I am only reaching out for forgiveness, simply to make myself feel better or asking him for some financial assistance. I will live with this. I'm not asking for forgiveness. I just wanted to vent out, because this is too embarrassing to talk about with people I know in real life.

Edit 2: people have been saying that they can't be really happy or they MUST HAVE underlying issues. Why can't people accept that there CAN be happy couples out there who are genuinely happy with each other and not trying to put on a facade? The reason why I think they are happy is because I didn't just saw them from a distance, I had a conversation with them. I got to know many things about them. Trust me when I say this, they are actually happy with each other. You guys are watching too much TV. I Know him well enough, since we dated, obviously.

Edit 3: spelling, smh????‍♀️ people are giving me grammar lessons in the comments. Believe what you want to believe. It was really hurtful to write this entire story and I was tearing up as I wrote this. Last thing I need are spelling checkers and grammar nazis.

Edit 4: I mentioned our countries of origin to emphasize our different cultures. We are literally from the opposite sides of the world! If just mentioned I am white and he is brown, people would've obviously asked me about our countries of origin and the cultures we belong to. This is not a post to shit on white people.

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